As I sit here listening to N*E*R*D it reminded me of my ex (he took me to see them at the Electric Factory). Now please note how my mind works, there is always a "6 degrees of separation". I enjoyed the concert, it was the most fun we had but i remember how it didn't almost come to past because he is an idiot when it comes to female anatomy.
Went and saw my doctor for annual check up, of course i had to donate some urine. PCP says, "you feel okay?" I said sure do, why?
He says well it looks like you are starting a UTI (urinary tract infection). I said oh, well good thing we caught it cause that mess hurts like a SOB. PCP writes a script, and i go about my business.
The ex is now trying to make a fancy move on me. I said pump your brakes because i am getting a UTI and the bow chicka wow wow will exacerbate the condition. He asked me can he get "IT". I said get what, he said is it contagious. I said no are you kidding.
He gave me the side eye and called his mom (WHAT??). His mom tells him to stop being silly and how common it is for women. Now I don't know about common because the last time I had one of these I was pregnant. Anyway, I was so surprised that he was so Clueless, as if.
Apparently he isn't the only guy like that. I asked a few others after said situation, they were confused also. After further research (webMD chat especially) Men are just dizzy when it comes to female anatomy, problems, and birth control.
Here is a short version:
---UTI is not contagious. Cause by bacteria in the urethra or in my case, not wanting to use the bathrooms and TNS Inc for fear of AIDS so I hold it until I get home. Dudes can get them too but its rare, really rare unless he has an enlarged prostate. Women also get UTI's because of spermicide. One of the many reasons why its better to be in a monogamous (married if possible) relationship. Condoms can ruin your life, speaking of condoms....
---Buy Polyurethane condoms, that will keep you from worrying if she has a Latex allergy. They are thin and protect against STD/STI and pregnancy. Lambskin only protects against pregnancy. Polyurethane condoms break less unlike traditional latex.
---You don't need a prescription to buy RU-486, just be over age 18. It costs about $50.
---RU-486 is the Plan B, just in case you go up in that chick without a condom or it breaks. It will flush that unwanted egg, possibly fertilized egg out of her.
---BV aka Bacterial Vaginosis aks Trash Truck Juice is not a STD/STI. Women tend to get these who wear a lot of thongs. Having something up ass crack that slides across your vaginal opening transfers bacteria.
---Yeast Infection. Again, dude can get it from his chick if she has it but its not an STD/STI. She probably had on too tight jeans, satin panties, no panties, too much beer/pretzels, or antibiotics. Or her body just feels like being fluky and wants her to have an itchy cooch. However a yeasty beasty also occurs in a much more dirty way, a dude performing oral sex with a dirty mouth. All those cavities, or food trapped and that bacteria brewing and then he puts it on the sensitive Eco system called a vagina, well the pH is all messed up and here comes the scratchies with a side of cottage cheese looking discharge. YUCK.
---You don't need a prescription to buy RU-486, just be over age 18. It costs about $50.
---RU-486 is the Plan B, just in case you go up in that chick without a condom or it breaks. It will flush that unwanted egg, possibly fertilized egg out of her.
---1 out of 5 people over the age of 12 have genital herpes. There is no cure. so if you see scars on the shaft or labia, uhhh step back and ask questions. OR high tail it out of there.
---HPV is the same as genital warts.
---Syphilis will make you crazy, literally, it eats at your brain. And its making a come back.
---Chlamydia does not show symptoms in women. So ask your chick when was her last annual GYN visit and ask her if she asked for a STD check.
---Oral sex does lower your risk for acquiring STD/STI but you can still get Hepatitis A or B
---If she has equipment (dildos, vibrators, blow up ken doll) doesn't mean you don't satisfy her or that she is some sort of nympho. Or it could mean that, either way, talk to her about it. But never doubt your manhood cause she has a BOB (battery operated boyfriend).
---A hair bump is not an STD/STI and the more men that like women to have a bald box (not sure why, looks pre-pubescent and rkelly-ish) the more she is likely to have them, unless she waxes. OH AND ITS SHAVED (im sorry i had to)
So be safe, protect ya neck (cervical or shaft) because it aint no fun if you can bow chicka and not get a wow wow.
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