Thirsty Bitches

Definition of a Thirsty Bitch
She is the one who jumps in your every conversation or any ones conversation for that matter. She sits in her cubicle and waits for you to pick up your phone and call someone on a personal matter. Or she waits for a visitor to stop at your desk to talk to you. This entire time she is ear hustling (eavesdropping) and waiting patiently for you to get off the phone so she can tell you how she, her cousin, her brother's uncle's roommate's nephew's next door neighbor went through that same thing or is currently in that situation. Or when the visitor is at your desk talking to you, while maintaining low tones, she with her supersonic dog hearing, yells across the floor or gets up out her seat to jump into your conversation. She may even be so bold to say "What yall talking about?". Since I'm an asshole, and this has happened to me several times, I said to the Thirsty Bitch what I think will make her feel most uncomfortable..."Well I was explaining how ass fucking can be quite pleasurable if done correctly." She immediately walked away and looked at me in disgust. You think I'm joking right, I don't joke. My former supervisor would monitor our calls, I was talking to my cousin, I knew he was listening. So I said to her, "so when he fucked you in the ass, did you bleed afterwards?" I could hear him drop his phone and I turned around and low and behold, he was quickly hanging up his phone and his face was beet red. What a douchebag...but I digress.

She is also the one who had/has/or will have everything that you or someone has mentioned. She is Mrs. Me Too. If you bought your boyfriend a pair of Jordans, she bought her boyfriend a pair of Gucci's. If you just brought a patio set from Target, she just ordered hers from Ethan Allen. If you just bought your first new car (it could be used but its new to you), she has had a car since she had a license and she will never get back on SEPTA (public transportation in Philly).

You can always recognize a thirsty bitch because she has this need to fit in, to belong, to be down. Matter of fact, you may have heard her express "Get in where you fit in", uhhh NO. She will dismiss whatever you are doing because she wasn't invited. What you are doing is corny, old, played out or she has been there and done that. Deep down she is longing for acceptance and if by a chance you said, "well you can come if you want", all that "its corny" mess will go out the door. She will be there with bells on, offering to pick you up and drop you off at home even if you live in another state.

However, another Thirsty Bitch trait is the need to be late, like uber late. She wants to make a grand entrance, she needs to be scene. When she walks in, everyone knows she is present. She is either walking in talking on her phone loudly, or she is yelling at her children. Anything to make you stop what you are doing and look up to see what is going on while your eyebrows do the "who is that" dance. She is the bitch that will try to stunt on you at your own party. Its kinda like wearing a white dress to a wedding...such a faux pas. Thirsty Bitches wants all the attention even if its negative....hmmm sounds like someone was molested by Father Flanagan.

Thirsty Bitches, where do they come from? I am not sure, in my experience, they all seem to have "mommy issues." So mothers, hug your daughters, let them know you love them and let them know its okay to be who you are and that there is never any future in frontin'. I'm out.